I Grieve Her Too.


I think my defection from the LDS church has run a pretty standard course, so I haven’t really felt like sharing my “leaving” story. But every once in a while, I get inspired to jot down some thoughts in poetry form.  My husband (who still believes, but it’s not quite fair to call him a TBM) and I have been talking lately about how losing faith in the church is a kind of grieving process. With that in mind, I wrote this a few days ago:


I Grieve Her Too.


You didn’t have to say it

for me to have seen it.

The mess, the chaos, the war.

I’m not who you married,

not what you signed up for.

Let’s admit, I’m not her anymore.


She baked, she painted,

she watched, she waited.

She pinned all her hopes on you.

You always loved telling

of her abundant faith.

I grieve the loss of her too.


She was bright-eyed, wide-eyed,

and blossomed under rule,

but felt guilt falling short of perfection.

She worried, she paced,

she practiced her lines,

to pass through the veil with no direction.


But then one day she wondered:

Is this really it?

The be-all, end-all, Truth?

For her gender uniquely,

the expectation seemed small.

Why would God need so little from her?


So she did as she was taught.

She followed the plan.

She searched, she pondered, she prayed.

When the answer that dawned

was so painfully different,

she wondered if she should just stay.


“I’m the first. I’m alone,”

she thought in despair.

“I’ve already made my bed.

To lie in it is all I can do.

Grin and bear it,

that’s the life that’s ahead.


But alone she was not.

No, not even close.

Twenty-six is too young to give up.

At the slightest reaching,

she was bombarded by support.

Peace and humor will fill her cup.


And now, what’s left?

A gaping wound

where that faith used to nestle deep.

Not surgically removed,

it was ripped from herself,

by an honest, but unfeeling thief.


That whole girl is dead.

She’s not coming back.

A new woman is here by your side.

And although I like this new one, I do.

I still grieve

the loss

of her too.

Even their songs wreak of plagiarism


Mormonism is not only one of the world’s most derivative religions. It may just be one of the world’s most derivative organizations.

I understand that it may be hard for some to create brand new King James Bible material. I can see why Joseph Smith cut-and-paste so much Biblical scripture (i.e. Isaiah) and took such a long time to release his Book of Mormon.

But did early Mormons really lack so much creative talent that they had to steal other people’s music as well?

You may recall hearing some of the following pieces from Sunday Sacrament meetings, had you ever attended them:

1. “Praise to the Man”
“Praise to the man who communed with Jehovah!
Jesus anointed that Prophet and Seer.
Blessed to open the last dispensation,
Kings shall extol him, and nations revere.”

2. “If you Could Hie to Kolob”
“If you could hie to Kolob
In the twinkling of an eye,
And then continue onward
With that same speed to fly,
Do you think that you could ever,
Through all eternity,
Find out the generation
Where Gods began to be?”

It is fitting that a man who obtained much of his fame from plagiarism was awarded a cover song. But did Kolob too have to be honored in this capacity?

Humorously enough, both these pieces originated in Europe.
Scotland and Ireland. Not America and definitely not Israel.

Neither of these works had anything to do with Gods or Mormonism.

Here are samples of the original pieces:
1. “Scotland The Brave”
Not “Praise to the Man”
Country of Origin: (you can use context clues to figure this one out)
High in the Misty highlands,
out by the purple islands
brave are the hearts that beat beneath Scottish skies
wild are the winds to meet you
staunch are the friends that greet you
kind as the love that shines from fair maidens eyes.

Youtube link to the full version: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GowMI4wvmU4

2. “Star of the County Down”
Not “If you Could Hie to Kolob”
Country of origin: Ireland
Near Banbridge town, in the County Down
One morning in July
Down a bóithrín green came a sweet cailín
And she smiled as she passed me by.
Oh she looked so sweet from her two bare feet
To the sheen of her nut brown hair
Such a coaxing elf, sure I shook myself
To be sure I was really there.

Youtube link to many versions of this song: http://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=star%20of%20the%20county%20down&sm=3

These are only two examples of the Church using other people’s music to promote their own “spirituality”. (This does not stop the Church from sometimes failing to give the original musicians credit or not posting sheet music for “copyright” reasons. http://www.lds.org/music/library/hymns/if-you-could-hie-to-kolob?lang=eng)

The songs “O Savior, Thou Who Wearest a Crown” and “My Heart Ever Faithful” were based on Johann Sebastian Bach’s music. The children’s song “When We’re Helping” was based on a German folk song. The cheesy text, however, came from a Mormon. There are also several songs in the LDS hymn book that I do not need explain came from non-LDS places. Such works include “The Star-Spangled Banner”, “America the Beautiful”, and “Battle Hymn of the Republic”.

Most of the original authors seemed to be white European folk, which, I guess, is a perfect way to create musical spirituality for an ancient Middle Eastern Church.


Phichol Medici

Reversing the Premortal existence, one disavowal at a time


Ever wonder what it might be like to travel back in time and change the past? How about traveling back in time and changing the past while remaining in your current space-time continuum?

Introducing the all-new Church-approved miracle: static time travel!

Using state-of-the-art Prophesying, a member can now retroactively alter history simply by saying that they disavow it!

Has a dead Prophet said something suspicious or immoral about the premortal existence that you would like to see changed?
Bring it up in the next Church meeting and perhaps your wish will come to pass!

Latter-day Saint leaders have done this not too long ago.

For a long time in Church history and theology, interracial marriage was forbidden. This made sense because all non-whites were less faithful in the premortal existence than white people. This is how humanity received its diversity in pigmentation: moral aptitude in the premortal existence. President Joseph Fielding Smith, who was a Mormon Prophet a while back, explicitly stated that “there is a reason why one man is born black and with other disadvantages, while another is born white with great advantages. The reason is that we once had an estate before we came here, and were obedient; more or less, to the laws that were given us there.”1


But wait! Recently, as the Church was trying to adapt to a society with an African-American president, it released a statement explaining its True stance on racism.
It disavows the racism it has perpetuated throughout eternity.2
Oh, ok. That is fine. ‘Long as you disavow it. This solves everything!
This makes a huge difference to all of the dead people who have never received the Priesthood because of their race or those who had marital problems or those who were taught that they were second-class members.

But now hold on a second…
I thought Jesus Christ was the “same yesterday, today, and forever”?3
I thought that “premortal existence” referred to a period of time (or non-time?) long before Adam and Eve?
I thought that we are supposed to take the word of the Prophet seriously in all things, that they speak directly for God?

As it stands, it seems as though Jesus Christ evolves in accordance with changes in America. Perhaps it is a matter of time before the Church disavows the scriptural verse that says He is unchanging.
Perhaps, the Church is only scurrying away from its previous stance in an attempt to salvage its image.
…No, that cannot be true. What must be true is that Jesus Christ is the same person eternally, but through the magic of static time travel, Mormon Prophets are able to change how Jesus Christ really was throughout history.

The disavowal Work should not end with Church racism.
I implore Mormon missionaries throughout the globe to disperse this mechanism as far and wide as possible.

Get it to the Neo-Nazi skinheads. They have as little to do with real Nazis as the Mormon Church has to do with the Christian Church, but deliver this function to them and see the blessings appear!
Jews who have died will start magically reappearing everywhere. Same with black people, homosexuals, and all others who did not make the Ubermensch count. The Nazis would no longer be remembered in history as racists, but as ordinary, common men doing the work of Good.

Just through a few words!


Phichol Medici

1. Joseph Fielding Smith, Doctrines of Salvation, Volume 1, 61.
2. “Race and the Priesthood”. http://www.lds.org/topics/race-and-the-priesthood?lang=eng.
3. Hebrews 13:8.

ApoStake: Behold the Gold

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Welcome, one and all, to the Official #ApoStake website!

We are a community of ex-Mormons. Our collective interest  is simple in nature:
Rejection of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (a.k.a. The Mormon or LDS Church).

And it shall come to pass that we will also join forces with ex-Jehovah Witnesses and all those who seek to deny nonsensical, harmful cult teachings.

“ApoStake” is a portmanteau of two words: apostate and Stake. The first word, “Apostate”, is not necessarily a religiously-oriented word. Merriam-Webster defines it as “someone whose beliefs have changed and who no longer belongs to a religious or political group”. Other dictionaries have broadened the definition to include the abandonment of causes in general, good or bad. “Stake”, on the other hand, is a word we are specifically using in a Mormon context. It refers to “a Mormon territorial jurisdiction comprising a group of wards” (M-W).

The LDS Church has many Stakes throughout the world. It even has a #twitterstake, the Church’s One, True social media Stake. For the purpose of simplicity, us ex-Mormons also have One, True Stake:
The ApoStake.

…There are actually other Mormon groups out there, but there really is only one ex-Mormon stake, for now.

Our goals are not limited to those who have left the LDS Church or any other cult. We invite everyone who is interested to partake of our knowledge, our wine, our women.

I figure that now would be as good a time as any to introduce myself.

You may know me by my former Twitter usernames of “Mormoniker” or “ExMormoniker”.

Today is the day whereupon I reveal my True, New, Inspired, Revealed (oops, redundant), Foreordained Temple name:

Phichol Medici.

Just as Joseph Smith, Jr. used Jesus Christ as a means to plug his name everywhere, I am using Joseph Smith’s name to plug my name. This is but the first of many such instances.

Joseph Smith and I go way back.

Ah, I remember when I first met the man…

‘Twas a glorious pre-mortal day (or equivalent unit of time). The Forces of Light and The Forces of Blackness were creating chaos.
Lines were being drawn. Lines were being crossed.
According to Mormon theology, there were no fence-sitters that day.
Revealed teachings – given to me telepathically as I was typing this WordPress article – say that there were actually two fence-sitters. Additionally, the Fence was a literal, physical fence, not a spiritual fence.
I sat upon the fence, at first, alone. Then, out of the ether, something…new…materialized next to me. A light, so bright, so white, and so undeniably Caucasian, that my spirit eyes became scorched.
Another fence-sitter had arrived.
“Lovely up here, isn’t it?” The unknown figure asked.
“What’s your name?” I replied, curious as to who he was.
“Your name.”
“A conman goes by many names, friend. I’ve been Alan Seward, Anthony Cooper, Ted MacLaren, Peter, James, and Paul… But you may call me…Mr. Smith.”
Completely LOST at this response, I remained quiet.)
He seemed unsure, at first, whether he wanted to side with Satan or Jesus, but eventually jumped down in Jesus’s direction. Upon his landing, he faded back into nothingness. Through the thin atmosphere, I received one last bit of dialogue before he fully departed.
“We shall see each other soon.”
I knew not what he meant by soon, if it was to be in this afterlife or in the early 1800s. Mormon time is confusing like that.
Brushing off that meeting as an unknown, irrelevant occurrence at the time, I proceeded to find my place among the spirit people.

I now join ApoStake as a messenger of truth in regard to an organization built on extreme marketing, peer pressure, and false teachings.

“Behold, the field is gold already to harvest; therefore, whoso desireth to reap, let him thrust in his sickle with his might, and reap while the day lasts.” – The Doctrine & Covenants Section 6, Verse 3. New, Inspired ApoStake translation.


Phichol Medici